A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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