i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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