no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
