Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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