addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
