yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
