I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize