Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
