Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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