The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize