God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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