I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
