My room smells like vodka and shame
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
