i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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