So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
