OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize