Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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