A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
