Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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