you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
