New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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