I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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