my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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