remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
