dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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