So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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