I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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