Your face is a jimmy john
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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