Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
