Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
