uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
