Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize