Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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