Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
