my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
