I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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