I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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