Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
