His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
