like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
