I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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