His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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