Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize