So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
