Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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