Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
