And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
