WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
