There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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