Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
