How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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