is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
