He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
