He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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