dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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