I hate all girls vehemently.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My vagina is officially offended.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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