i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
