I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
