this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
