sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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