Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
