I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
