May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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