As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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