Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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