I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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