yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
love makes seman taste better
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
